Archive for March, 2010

Oh, Come On… Really?

Posted in Funny, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by rottenart

So, this story just gets better and better and better! Is there anything real about this grifter? Anything at all?

It was bad enough when LL Cool J announced that he had no idea what the hell Fox was talking about when they promoted the show with him as a guest. It turns out they were planning on just using an old interview, possibly with $arah green-screened in? A clever CGI version of her, ala Jar Jar Binks? It’s really anyone’s guess. Anyway, they politely informed him that the show was, in fact, a huge inspiration to Americans everywhere and he could just go suck it in his crappy community theater or whatever it is he does for a living now.

Guess what happened next! Country music legend and Okie-style Democrat, Toby Keith, is all, “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about either, Fox!” They were planning on using rehashed interviews of everybody the whole time! Just like Real Americansā„¢! Now, I just can’t believe that the bastions of integrity that own and operate Fox News would ever stoop to deliberately starting feuds with celebrities simply to boost ratings on Ms. Mooseburger’s big night, so what the heck happened? Does it even matter?

(h/t Wonkette & Rumproast)

Nope. It’s just hilarious that she can’t even fail right.

Watch Me Jump on the Bandwagon (With Pics!)

Posted in Funny, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by rottenart

Ninety billion people have already discovered this so there’s not a lot of “news” to it. However, if there have ever been better (ahem) poster children for free, equal, and accessible education, I’m hard pressed to think of any besides these nuts. What’s amazing is the time spent screaming about things which are obviously way over their head could be very well spent, say, volunteering to pick up trash in the neighborhood! Or joining the military. In fact, I could probably come up with ninety billion useful things they could be doing before I’d condone walking around with a misspelled sign, clamoring for their (white) country back, generally looking like ignorant assholes.

Geez. Get a job, you morans.

Rick Santorum is DISGUSTED!

Posted in Funny, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by rottenart

I knew it wouldn’t be long before the Republican Purity Patrol was on the case! Is leather-clad lesbians bumping and grinding for cash much less weird than bringing your dead fetus home, having your children sing to it, and cradling it while you sleep? Oh well, to each his own, I suppose. In Rick’s defense, at least it wasn’t some sicko bestiality club in Tijuana or something because then we would have a reason to oppose gay marriage! Wait, what?

Sorry. Sometimes all those contradictory talking points can be confusing. I don’t know how $arah does it! Oh, right.

In any event, Rick Santorum, former protector of liberty from PA and current loser in VA, doesn’t think donors to the RNC would be happy if they knew their money was going to “this behavior”. Rick, if you’re planning on running for president in 2012, perhaps you should become acquainted with today’s GOP. A lesbian strip joint is pretty tame compared to sexting teens or toe-tapping in airport bathrooms. “Family Values” means different things these days. You’re just going to have to get with the times! Hypocrisy is IN!

Speaking of which, has anyone heard from Ted Haggard recently? Is he still totally not gay? If he’s not completely 100% straight by now, then ol’ “Santorum” Santorum is going to be DISGUSTED!

Stand Up and Refuse To Be Counted

Posted in Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by rottenart

So a bunch of whiners who want absolute fealty to the Constitution are refusing to take part in the census, explicitly called for in the Constitution. I can imagine that if you sat down and explained to these folks what the census means in terms of representation, you might be berated for advocating ‘Big Gubmint’ and run out of town. As it stands, the prospect of southern states losing members of Congress based on their non-participation is a sweet little ironic nugget of goodness. It’s all part and parcel of publicly railing against the tyranny of government and then quietly sucking up all the federal dollars you can find. I suppose this is no surprise either. The government is the bane of all freedom-loving Americans everywhere, except when they’re passing out taxpayer cash. Obviously, I have no problem with federal tax distribution, but then again, I don’t hate the government.

I have long argued that Lincoln made a huge mistake in keeping the Union together. If Rick “Good Hair” Perry actually led his fellow Teabagger Texans into the wilderness and seceded, I think we’d find out real quick just how committed they are to “States’ Rights”. It would be hilarious if it weren’t so sad.

On a related note: Crap! I still have to send my census form in! Down with tyranny!

Oh Jesus…

Posted in Other Stuff with tags , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by rottenart

I’m now a full-fledged Twatter. If you’re inclined to twat, why not come follow me around, or whatever it is you do on that god-forsaken minefield of an internet page.

Mark Your Calendars!

Posted in Funny, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by rottenart

In what will surely be as momentous an occasion as Pearl Harbor, 9/11, and WWE Summer Slam combined, $arah Palin is set to kick off her most excellent Fox News series, Real American Stories on Thursday. I have been stocking up on Twinkies and Coors Light in anticipation of the beautiful truths that will be revealed by the illustrious trifecta of wisdom: Ms. Mooseburger herself, Toby Keith, and LL Cool J. What mysterious mysteries will be unveiled? How to schmooze a cool $100K for stringing together run-on sentences for an hour? Pouting like a ten-year-old when your crappy peewee football team loses in the championship (me and Toby go way back)? The relevance of “I’m Gonna Knock You Out” in the 21st century? Oh, the places we’ll go!

All I can say is that Barry better get his tele-prompters ready because he’s gonna have to put in serious face-time on the TV to compete with this spectacle.

Poor, Poor Mittens

Posted in Funny, Politics with tags , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by rottenart

Ever since the passage of ACA, Mitt Romney has been having a bit of a tough time. The first thing he had to do, was proclaim how different his health care plan was from Obama’s. The only problem with his screed is that the Massachusetts plan is almost exactly like Obama’s. It seemed to be an insurmountable obstacle to Mitt’s dreams of a 2012 nomination. But ol’ Mitt plowed ahead, releasing his book No Apology, an ode to American exceptionalism that seems to have no bearing on reality. So, with one talking point diffused from all sides, Mitt moved on to another, which was… diffused from all sides (well, maybe not by John Bolton). It was almost sad to watch. Almost.

I guess Mitt’s handlers then thought up a new approach: why not try and glom on to a successful politician’s coattails? I mean, if the president is reading your book, that must mean you have something of value to contribute, right? Even Newsweek got in the game, arguing that Mitt is the only one that has the experience necessary to be in charge of the newly signed health care bill. Wait, didn’t he just spend last week talking about his health care plan is completely different that Obama’s? Oh right. That was last week.

The real kicker was when Obama yesterday decided to help Romney out with his message: “Hey Mitt! Your plan really is just like mine! By the way, I’m loving your book!” He didn’t really say that last part but I sensed it was implied.

What all this means is that Very Serious Candidateā„¢ Mitt Romney has no where else to go. Despite his best intentions, he just can’t catch a break. I think he should go back to handling Olympic campaigns; he seemed to genuinely be good at that and didn’t even have to tap dance all over his principles to do it. Besides, London really needs help. Their logo for 2012 is atrocious. A job that big is right up Mitt’s alley. I’m pretty sure he won’t have much else going on.