Me Racist? That’s Unpossible, Darkie!

Here’s a fun little item that’s been floating around the past couple of days. You might have heard that the NAACP has issued a resolution condemning the Tea Party for not doing enough to distance itself from the racist fringe groups in its ranks. No less than the two scariest black people on earth, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, have reiterated that the resolution is not directed at the Tea Party per se, but at its racist elements (probably only like 85%, really). So, seeking to prove that the Tea Party is in no way shape or form racist, Mark Williams, president of the Tea Party Express (the big one, financed by Dick Armey), penned this thoughtful response. I’ll let you judge how eloquent he seems:

NAACP Resolution: Colored People change minds about emancipation

Astonishing.

In every one of the dozens of interviews that I have done regarding the anti-Tea Party resolution passed by the NAACP I have brought up the absurdity of a group that calls blacks “Colored People” hurling charges of racism. Whats more, each interviewer has defended that phrase and expressed surprise that I would consider that phrase to be racist!

Apparently Colored People are an entirely new race of people and one to which the title applies. Here NAACP President Precious Ben Jealous explains to President Abraham Lincoln the reasons for the resolution in this newly discovered letter :

Dear Mr. Lincoln

We Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!

In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.

The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.

And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!

The racist tea parties also demand that the government “stop the out of control spending.” Again, they directly target Colored People. That means we Colored People would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.

Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we Colored People ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?

Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.

Sincerely

Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew National Association for the Advancement of Colored People Head Colored Person

Now where would you get the idea that any of that is racist? Suggesting that black people don’t work hard, want nothing but handouts, then frivolously spend the money on big screen tvs? All in a hackneyed, Amos-N-Andy voice that sounds straight from 1880? As the vast majority of Teabaggers will tell you: that’s not racist, that’s just speaking the facts that the liberal media won’t tell you, dontcha know! But if this is the way the largest and best-financed Tea Party organization proves its diversity, then I say bring on the crosses and gasoline! There must be simply swaths of black Americans who secretly agree with you!  It’s both mind-boggling and extremely entertaining watching these people attempt to dig themselves out of ever bigger holes. The most glorious part is that Mark Williams probably still has no idea what, exactly, he said that was so wrong.

Incidentally, has Michael Steele weighed in yet?

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One Response to “Me Racist? That’s Unpossible, Darkie!”

  1. Hello! I discovered your blog while i was on Yahoo researching some recent Twitter trends to see what has been popular recently. Given that I ended up here I figured why not stay and browse a couple of your posts… intriguing stuff. I’ll be back around again down the road for sure.

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