Wouldn’t Retirement Be More Fun Than Demagoguery, Newt?

You have to hand it to Newt Gingrich. Despite losing political relevance sometime in 1996, he has made a valiant effort to remain in the forefront of great GOP thinkers leaders has-beens. He’s been getting press recently for his on-again/off-again perennial presidential candidacy tease, but also for other, crazy things that fall from his lips that he thinks might help with the aforementioned tease. First up is the Muslim community center in Manhattan, Cordoba House, which Newt and a lot of other Real Americans™ don’t like very much. They seem to think that we should be holding ourselves to higher standards like, say, those of noted bastion of tolerance, Saudi Arabia. However, in the race to see who can drag us back to the 5th Century the fastest, Newt and his scholarly followers seem to have overlooked similar heathen structures already be-fouling that most holy of American buildings, The Pentagon. It’s almost as if Newt were simply demonizing Muslims in a craven political ploy that has no bearing whatsoever on tolerance, freedom, or things he truly believes. Strange.

Yet there is another story in the headlines that Newt feels compelled to stick his pudgy fingers into and that is the right for gays to marry. You see, a few years ago, the Mormon Church showered riches and shock troops on California to entice that state’s brain dead voters to approve a gay marriage ban that has been found, obviously, to be completely unconstitutional. Newt, being a dirty, newly-minted Catholic does not approve of magic underwear but he does agree with the LDS that marriage is sacred and must be protected from all those gays. The reason that I love Newt Gingrich for this position most of all is that I know for sure he considers marriage sacred: he’s done it three times! Now, that might not sound sufficiently pious but what if I were to tell you that he divorced his first wife while she was dying of cancer, then cheated on his second wife for 6 years (during which time he was calling for Bill Clinton’s impeachment for infidelity) before divorcing her and marrying his mistress! Wow! Does marriage get any more sacred and awesome than that?

So, it was with bright smiles that I read the news that Newt’s important message regarding marriage sanctity was practically laughed off the internets for being so transparently ridiculous. It seems there are plenty of people who can recognize blatant hypocrisy even when eminating from such an elder statesman blowhard as Mssr. Gingrich. However, to be fair, I have to defend his call for America to be more like Saudi Arabia; they have harsh punishment for adultery that I’m sure would apply to him. Wouldn’t we all benefit from watching Newt’s pasty moon face pelted with rocks, for freedom?


One Response to “Wouldn’t Retirement Be More Fun Than Demagoguery, Newt?”

  1. […] Rottenart Geoff rants about art and politics at anyone who will listen. « Wouldn’t Retirement Be More Fun Than Demagoguery, Newt? […]

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