Archive for sarah palin
Happy 100th Birthday, Gipper! You Cut-And-Running, Tax-Raising, Amnesty-Loving, Deficit-Increasing Pinko Liberal!Posted in Funny, Politics with tags $arah palin, bedtime for bonzo, conservatives, gipper, GOP, hagiography, ignorance, morning in america, myth, obama, reagan centennial, republicans, right wing, ronald reagan, ronaldus magnus, sarah palin, supply side, trickle down, truth, voodoo economics, wordpress-political-blogs on February 7, 2011 by rottenart
Well, today is the big day. Conservatives across the country are lighting the candles on their shrines, dusting off their Laffer curves, and preparing their platitudes to honor Ronald Reagan’s biggest film role: The American Presidency. Yes, it was 100 years ago that the greatest light the nation has ever known first began to shine and the rays are still penetrating the darkness even today. President Obama points to him as an influence and a guide. $arah Palin™ goes to sleep every night hugging her Gipper Action Figure™ and praying to be more like him in every way possible. Neo-Cons and Tea Baggers still look to him for advice, second only to Jesus in their hierarchy, even though they still don’t have the first clue about anything really..
So, in recognition of the dear departed Leader of the Free World, he who single-handedly brought down communism and proved voodoo economics is all in the delivery, I want to give you some fine reading materials. Conservatives take note: this is not your daddy’s Ronald Reagan. And, don’t forget to throw some cash at the debt-riddled GOP in His name; they probably won’t be able to raise any money off their own ideas so Ronaldus Magnus bobble-heads will have to suffice. I really wonder if all this idolatry is violating the sacred commandment on which conservatives insist our country was founded? It can’t be good when the Great One’s own people seem to think socialfascinazism passes constitutional muster.
In any event, let us celebrate this day! Eat some jelly beans and consult your astrologer! Let the sunlight of Morning in America™ shine forth! Gorbie, tear down this wall! We shall never forget that our greatest president, living or dead, was once an actor who shared equal billing with a chimp named Bonzo. God bless us, everyone. Amen.
Well, I’m not sure if this is a joke or not. I’m fairly certain it’s not because the earnestness of insanity doesn’t surprise me. However, even if it is just snark, I wonder how many of Christ’s “followers” are praying fervently at night, hoping for just such a Dear Leader? Really, the question is: what would such a benevolent leader look like to the Christian fringe? Sarah Palin? Pat Robertson? Big Bird? If you really want to give yourself a headache, just imagine what sort of questionnaire you’d have to fill in to determine an acceptable level of virtuousness. Are you dark-skinned? Did your ancestors kill the Son of God? Do you regularly engage in sweet, evil buttsex?
I, for one, welcome our new Christianist overlords. It will make storming the barricades so much more satisfying.
Did any of you realize that yesterday was Primary Day here and also in other places? Well, the big news is that the giant Teabag Revolution designed to “Throw The Bums Out!” is a total flop. Yes, I hear you saying, but the useless media told us for weeks that there was an anti-incumbent wave sweeping the nation! Then tell me why John Mccain will be the GOP nominee for Arizona then, smartie.
The truth is, there is no anti-incumbent fever heating up for November. As Rachel Maddow pointed out Monday, only 7 out of over 300 incumbents lost yesterday. I’m no math whiz, but that seems like pretty weak tea. Basically, Like the inestimable Ken Layne pointed out in the Wonkette link, people may hate Congress, but they like their congressperson, which makes me wonder why more people’s heads aren’t exploding from the dissonance. All the big hitters are still standing for the midterms and even $aint $arah Palin’s moose mojo couldn’t topple The Murkowski Machine actually it looks like Teabagger insanity may have eked out a narrow victory against Murkowski. I would add a comment here about how most of the people running against the incumbents are all bat-shit insane, but you already knew that.
This non-excitement continued in the Sooner State too, with the christian bowl haircut beating out the veteran bowl haircut for the chance to ride Mary Fallin’s coattails in the Fall. Some other dude is going to run against Dan Boren too, though that will also be a wash. Basically, the un-excitement cascaded over the southern part of the country like a smooth summer breeze. Well, except for Florida, where only slimy criminals won. Get set for a boring campaign season as yard signs begin to multiply exponentially on our highways and promenades and crappy teevee commercials foretell Armageddon if we vote for the Democrat. Come to think of it, the latter point probably applies to Dan Boren too.
So, go back to work, America. Your revolution is over, Mr. Teabagger. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did: get a job, sir.
UPDATE: Teabag insurgent Joe Miller is holding a surprising lead in Alaska after a very close race. He leads Murkowski by around 3000 votes, with rural areas still coming in. So maybe we can make that total 8 for 299.
(cross-posted at examiner.com)
Everyone’s favorite half-term governor, the Quitta from Wasilla, $arah Palin, was in fine form again over the weekend. Eschewing the normal communication outlets, she took to Twitter to give us all her opinion about the proposed Muslim community center being built a few blocks north of the WTC site. This has become a bit of a cause célèbre with conservatives since it was announced, so it’s no surprise that Palin jumped on the bandwagon. She called on “peaceful Muslims” to “refudiate” the plan. I guess to a throng of supporters who ate up Bush’s malapropisms with glee, this is just another folksy utterance (‘refudiate’ is not a word). After the Twitter-verse exploded about her creative language skills, she replaced the tweet with another, this time claiming that since she made up a word, and Shakespeare also coined new words, she was like Shakespeare! Ipso fatso (thanks, Bart)!
Leaving aside the inanity of $arah Palin comparing herself to the Bard, she, along with many other conservative idiots, are simply livid over the proposed center. Never mind that the neighborhood where it is being built has approved the idea. $arah and the rest of “Real America” don’t live in NY but they sure do want to offer their verbal diarrhea every time New Yorkers do something they don’t approve of. It reminds me of the furor regarding 9/11. For years, and even to this day, right-wingers love to bash NYC as a den of inequity, home to the most devious liberal elites in the entire country who have no idea what life is really like. That “liberal elite” tag is easily the most popular, even though most of the mouthpieces where $arah and friends get their indoctrination work right there in Manhattan, the belly of the beast, and make quite the nice salary. So then, after the attacks on the WTC, suddenly they all had a fondness for this, the greatest of American cities, overflowing in their support and empathy. They love to trot out the spectre of 9/11 at any chance as if it happened to them directly. Hell, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson blamed all the homosexuals and liberals in NYC as the reason 9/11 happened!
Personally, I think it sounds like having your cake and eating it too. If you were busy popping out puppies and speaking in tongues in Wasilla, AK, then you don’t really get a say in what New Yorkers do in NY. You can stay in Real America, making up words. It’s galling that on one hand conservatives rip all over NYC in one breath, then genuflect in its hallowed memory the next. This is no different. If you can’t discern between a tiny minority of fundamentalists and the millions of believers in one of the largest faiths in the world, maybe you shouldn’t be offering up your Shakespearean language skills to comment on something that obviously won’t affect you in the least. Does anyone think that bit of logic is going to shut her up?
That was a rhetorical question.
Is this a surprise to anyone but the Teabaggers themselves, holding their misspelled signs and screaming about freedom or whatever? What’s really sad is that most of these poor saps won’t wake up to reality even when faced with incontrovertible evidence. You say your groups aren’t backed by huge corporations? Well, the huge corporation that’s bankrolling most of the screeching mobs today freely admits they fund Tea Party groups, even though they say that somehow proves they have nothing to do with the Tea Party groups. I know, it’s confusing as hell, trying to keep up with the spin.
Or what about the Teabagger messiah, manboypig himself, Glenn Beck? Oh ho! It turns out he had quite a wonderful fiscal year pocketing all that dough from gullible, misguided fools who think he could actually give two craps about actual governance or policy.
So, go ahead and laugh it up, you suckers. You’re likely out of a job, but don’t let that stop you from buying Beck’s new “novel” or tuning into $arah Palin’s new reality show (which is totally not about the paycheck, you betcha)! If there’s anything American culture has taught us, it’s that millionaires always act out of interest for the little guys.
So, Mr. Cheney, it seems your fear-mongering talking points aren’t exactly borne out by those in a position to know. I can imagine that you’ll get some face-time soon at your favorite media mouthpiece in order to rebut experts and tell us that you know better and torture is just fine and dandy. Considering how popular you were when you left office (‘in disgrace’ is probably the right way to put it) however, I don’t think you’ll be winning any converts. Fortunately for the country, your influence is restricted to your bat-shit daughter and the the good ol’ PNAC crowd. Ok, maybe the Teabaggers too. They love torturing them some brown people!
Maybe you could go on $arah Palin’s new show! She’s super folksy and totally speaks to Real America™, so you’d be completely at home. Of course, she’s only using canned interviews so you’d have to suggest a ‘greatest hits’ compilation for her to air in lieu of an actual chat. Personally, my favorite is when you told us how we’d be greeted like liberators in Iraq. Boy we sure were, weren’t we?
Aren’t you supposed to be having another heart attack treated by socialist health care by now? Just think, another one and you’ll have as many heart attacks as deferments you got to keep you from serving in the Vietnam War! Bully for you!